Life of an Overeater- Fat stickwoman

7/1/12
So this picture above (i said i was fat not an artist)  is my new tool in dieting. Now i know that i will never be a stickwomen cause lets face it, wouldnt i look boring, but i shouldnt be such a fat stickwomen. This picture now takes pride of place on my fridge, unfortunalty it doesnt oink at me but then the piucture says it all. Plus every friday when i weigh myself i get to (hopefully) colour in some spaces, thats right each space equals a pound and my body is split into 39 pounds as that is my target before i go away for my 30th. The big question is tho wish space to colour in first! I think i have covered all the appropiate places of fat on my body, so maybe it isnt a normal stick man, but its my stick woman and im proud of it :)
I also have another thing to be proud of...... my first shopping trip with no baddies in my trolley, i was so tempted but i resisted and found myself another treat instead....hair stuff :) Now last time it was knickers but i now own so many pairs that its just stupid, plus im hoping my kitchen picker knickers will be too big soon. I was tempted by bra's but hey again im hoping to knock a few inches off my knockers also! So i thought i would focus on something i like about myself, and i do like my hair its the only bit of me thats thin after all so i thought i would treat it as it gets pulled rather alot! This shopping trip i bought myself a bit of hair bling, in the shape of headbands (trust me il try and pull the fashion faux pas off) but the possibilities are endless, bobbles, clip, dye, posh conditioning treatments and maybe when i loose my 39 pounds a new style! Im so smug with myself cause when im messing with my hair im also not in the kitchen eating ( and ive tried eating my hair it gets stuck in my teeth) Watch this space ladies me and my stickwoman are going to have the best year ever.....and just to be doubly backed up ive bought some options hot chocolate for when i really cant take the snickers shakes anymore ;) xx

Life of an Overeater- addictive!

6/1/12
Well week number one is over and i have lost 3 pounds! I wanted more but hey at least im losing, you just cant please some women can you! At least i am going in the right direction tho, and hopefully next week will bring me some more loss. This week i have noticed that i have craved chocolate everyday, most mornings i am waking up already planning what my calories will allow me for that day. So i started looking at myself mnore deeper and i have come to the conclusion that I have a major addictive personality! It started when i was looking through my bedroom trying to tidy up, and i counted 64 pairs of knickers! Yes 64! ive got funny ones, 'sexy' ones, thongs, sparkly ones, bridgets you name it its in there!. I didnt always have so many knickers but last time i lost all my weight i found i needed a new addiction, instead of treating myself to food i was buying knickers, the problem is that when i started buying food again i also kept up with the knickers! Then there is magazines i religiously buy 5 magazines without fail, and as for books i have so many that its impossible to even get in one cupboard.
Then there is the obsession with calories, oh the love hate relation between us is a strong turbulant one. I am like a walking information stand on what chocolate is the best to eat, the lowest possible lunch you can get away with. But the funny thing is i have never logged how many calories are in a doughnut, in a bottle of wkd or a big fat fry up, maybe i have conciously avoided them so that if i do eat them i can 'ignore' them as im not sure. Ima  funny old creature arent i! So what is my new obsession going to be? I think i can safely say that i have enough knickers to clothe the whole of africa, although im not sure they would like my style, a little african women in a pair of knickers with the honey monster on the front is not something we would normally see after all. So what shall my new obsession be? maybe i should work on my hammocks this time (sorry i meant bra's) but jesus do you know how hard it is to fit my jugs into a nice bra! I have to pretty much fold my nipple over 3 times, scoop my hand under and push them into the cups. this of course means i never have a 'nipple on' from the cold as my nipples are conviently hidden within my huge busoms. Plus i hard bras i mean how restrictive! they breathe a rather loud sigh of relief when they are finally released ar the evening and are free once again to keep my knees warm. So until more weight is lost bra's cannot be the new obsession. However bling is not so weightist.............................xx

Life of an Overeater- OMG the girl as willpower!

5/1/12
Morning peeps! I am happy to report a better day yesterday, one sure enough faced with temptations but i avoided them all! First was a tin of quality sweets that was passed around- i passed them straight past me! whoop whoop give the girl a carrot stick! The second was a cake or rather shall i say 3 cakes, it is tradition at our place to bring in cakes on your birthday so today i was offered a cake, there was doughnuts- jam filled sugar coated pieces of heaven that might have well just jumped straight on my thighs. Then there was muffins, light and fluffy with tiny bits of chocolate yum yum, but they was destined for my second chin. So i went for the 3rd option, a weightwatchers blueberry slice at a mere 81 calories! Who said you cant have your cake and eat it! That isnt to say that while the jam was oozing out of other peoples doughnuts i didnt want to lie underneath them to catch a stray drop- but i didnt! Even i am not that desperate for a sugar fix- yet!
So i have been trying to think of a exercise that i can stick to and have time to do, easier said than done! Im a big fan of the wii fit but at the moment it seems to be monopolised by the kids, so hey kids listen here mummy is the fat one not you so give me that remote or im going to paddy that its my turn! Logically tho i cant take the kids toy off them, plus it is in their bedrooms and i dont want john to think that there is a bomb hitting the house everytime i 'daintily' step off the balance board. So im open to ideas guys, I have thought about running but again its the time and the fact that if im honest i dont want everyone laughing at the chunk monster running down the road, boobs hitting my eyes and my arse cheeks flapping in the wind. Then i thought of kick boxing, cause you know for a fat chick i can get my leg up pretty high! Would love to be able to kick some ass too, but until I find a punching bag the fridge is just going to have to take the beating instead :)
So where does this leave me? A fat, wobbly big boobed lump who can kick pretty high and dances like beyonce?( i wish although my arse would give her a run for her money) theres only one thing for it, kids give me that bloody wii and John reinforce the ceiling :) xx

Life of an Overeater- trousergate

4/1/12
Yesterday was a bad day :( i am mortified, ashamed, embarressed and tearful still. I am almost regretting saying i will be so blunt, but whats the point of lying now? when i have committed myself to this and i have to face up to the challenges however they may be. Its been a hard few weeks, filled with little sleep, tantrums and of course temptation. It was christmas and i did indulge just like everyone else, i probably shouldnt have ate a terry chocolate orange or had a drink or two everynight- but i did, i cant take it back now. However i didnt wait till new year to start my diet, my self set challenge I started almost a week ago, I spent new years eating weightwatchers meals and drinking tea instead of wine, i have been so good and how was i repayed?
My trousers broke... there i said it, i am such a fat heifer that i couldnt do the zip up and then the zip came off its runner. I sobbed my heart out sitting on the edge of the bed and realising that i have really lost my body, the thought of anyone knowing almost led me to cancel my internet connection. In that moment i truely hated myself and my body, if i had a knife handy im sure i would have cut that bloody belly off, stuck my fingers down my throat, anything to get into them trousers. But obviously i didnt, i got a bigger pair of trousers :( Nothing says fat chick like a belly bulging out of a zip hole. I spent most of the day crying, I know its not the end of the world I have so much to be thankful for, but what really really upset me was the fact that here i am sobbing on the bed and im thinking 'if only i could have a chocolate bar to make me feel better'. That thought made me cry harder cause i know that i can yoyo up and down all my life but short of a lobtomy my comfort will always be found in a purple wrapper. So i need to find another comfort, i dont know what yet, but i need something that when the going gets tough gives me a little lift but doesnt add inches to my thighs. Retraining of the brain is in order i think and like any addict it isnt going to be easy, but today as sad as i was i didnt cheat and trust me i came very close! The fact remains tho i didnt cheat, i just sat there wiping away my salty tears and wishing i was crying calories, lets hope today is a better day xx

Life of an Overeater- I dont want to be a fat mum

3/1/12

Ok so yesterday i told you about how i dont want to be the ugly sister anymore, today is reason number 2 I want to loose weight. Its simple really the picture above shows it all, i dont want to be a fat mum to George, Eloise or Sam. They will always be my babies but they are growing up so fast in fact George is going to high school this year and trust me I know how cruel kids can be. I dont want them to have to teased because of me (its a sad world when this is the case isnt it?) I dont want them to suffer cause i cant control what i put in my mouth. Now im not saying I want to be a 'stifler mum' but i would like to look nice and i suppose normal ( I hate that word but hey being overweight is not seen as normal anymore) My fat may have kept them warm in the womb and given them something to cry and snuggle against but no more. Now they need a mum that isnt going to break a swing, that wont dribble while on the trampoline (although maybe they caused that!) that is boring to go on a  seesaw with cause even with all 3 of them on the other side it just wont rise. As i have mentioned before George is now extremly careful not to call me fat, instead he continiously tells me im overgrown, Eloise is so sensitive about  what other people say, she had a friend round the other day who in her childhood innocense remarked that i was fat. Eloise looked horrified, whispered an apology in my ear and reassured me i wasnt fat at all. Thing is my kids shouldnt have to lie for me, until everyone stops being so predijuced that is what they feel they need to do. I have always hoped that my kids would take after my sisters, and judging by their blonde hair it looks like maybe they will. Maybe now tho I would like them to take after me to be determined, friendly and accepting of everyone.This blog as shown me so much, i have had such support and reassurance, i feel like i am liked and that i do belong somewhere, that people are right by my side as i take on this epic challenge but are also there to help me when i fall. to each and everyone of you and you know who you are, words just aint enough xx But i will set them a good example and show them that no matter what they are loved and to me they are perfect........now i have to go and try and squeeze in them bloody work trousers, wish me luck guys xx be back later xx

Life of an Overeater- The ugly sister

2/1/12

So day number 5 for me and although im being really really strict, i am suffering big time! Just a few more days and my stomach will realise I am not going to give in to its tantrums. So i thought i would focus on exactly why I want to loose weight. And the photo above is just 1 of the reasons! Spot the odd one out? Yeah me too! From day one i was the different sister, i assure you I am of the same parentage just for some reason i seem to have got the dark fat gene and my sisters seem to have the skinny blonde one. My mum had this photo done for her birthday and when i first saw it i thought it looked like some random dude had ran in off the street and crashed a photo session, unfortunatly that dude was me.And that dude even had such a fat face you couldnt see her eyes and she also ended up looking a bit chinese. To think that picture takes pride of place on my mums wall! Sometimes it can be hard being the 'underdog' or in my sisters shadows, no one ever puts me in the same family, sometimes people even compare me too them. People meet my sisters and when they mention that they have another sister they expect a carbon copy of them, and then i appear, suprise! they certainly broke the mold with me. I admit part of me as always wanted to look like them to be slim, blonde light eyed and beautiful. I imagine a few ex boyfriends have even thought 'geez i chose the wrong sister'. Growing up I always felt i should be more like them, to copy how they dressed and act the same although my mum bless her as always told me i am who i am and we are all beautiful in our different ways. It is hard sometimes to believe this tho when the world tells me i should look like my sisters.
It does have its good points tho, for a start no one as ever forgotten which sister i am. They get the others confused very easily but me with my dark hair, eyes, big boobs and big mouth to match is quite easily the remberable one, once youve met me you never forget me! When i slimmed down last time, i even attempted to dye my hair lighter to see if i could look like them, it wasnt to be i just ended up looking a bit ginger and soon resorted to a bottle of crimson passion to go back to the real me. This time there will be no silly attempts to look like them, this time i just want to be a sexbomb! I know I know i have a distance to go but at least then i will be known as the 'dark sister' not the 'fat sister' back later xx

Life of an Overeater- A very sober new years!

1/1/12
Happy new year everyone! I hope that you had a fantastic start to new year and i imagine plenty of you are waking up to the realisation that then chocs are now forbidden. Me I started days ago and boy am i finding it tough, the first few days are always the worst as your stomach shrinks and realises that no matter how much it growls all its going to get is water or tea. I spent most of yesterday on the loo- dont worry not with that end i wouldnt be so lucky! But weeing like a race horse cause i drank cuppa after cuppa after cuppa to try and bloat me so i wouldnt snack. Last night was the first new years eve i have ever spent sober (except when pregnant) we sat played games and watched tv while everyone else ate celebrations and biscuits and cake and i had a cup of tea! This morning i have woke up already dreaming of my lunch! But it will be worth it i know it will, im hoping to have a great year and i have many things to aim for. Im turning 30 in july and me and the bf are thinking of having a long weekend away at some log cabin with a hot tub, and trust me even though it will only be the two of us i do not want to be fat at 30, i want to be proud and stand in front of the camera not hide away like i did on holiday last year. Im also hoping after almost a year of waiting that my divorce will come through and im thinking big celebrations then- maybe a divorce party? A picture of me cutting a cake with only the bride on top? a cake i will not be eating mind!
This year holds plenty of promises for me, indeed some i am not sure will happen. A few years ago i went to see a physic, he told me some things that i will only know if their true if it happens this year after i turn 30, just incase it does i want to look my best! So my new years resolution is not only to loose weight but also to change the way i feel inside, to try my best no matter what and to try at least two new things..... not food obviously....now keep me away from that kitchen xx