Life of an Overeater- trousergate

4/1/12
Yesterday was a bad day :( i am mortified, ashamed, embarressed and tearful still. I am almost regretting saying i will be so blunt, but whats the point of lying now? when i have committed myself to this and i have to face up to the challenges however they may be. Its been a hard few weeks, filled with little sleep, tantrums and of course temptation. It was christmas and i did indulge just like everyone else, i probably shouldnt have ate a terry chocolate orange or had a drink or two everynight- but i did, i cant take it back now. However i didnt wait till new year to start my diet, my self set challenge I started almost a week ago, I spent new years eating weightwatchers meals and drinking tea instead of wine, i have been so good and how was i repayed?
My trousers broke... there i said it, i am such a fat heifer that i couldnt do the zip up and then the zip came off its runner. I sobbed my heart out sitting on the edge of the bed and realising that i have really lost my body, the thought of anyone knowing almost led me to cancel my internet connection. In that moment i truely hated myself and my body, if i had a knife handy im sure i would have cut that bloody belly off, stuck my fingers down my throat, anything to get into them trousers. But obviously i didnt, i got a bigger pair of trousers :( Nothing says fat chick like a belly bulging out of a zip hole. I spent most of the day crying, I know its not the end of the world I have so much to be thankful for, but what really really upset me was the fact that here i am sobbing on the bed and im thinking 'if only i could have a chocolate bar to make me feel better'. That thought made me cry harder cause i know that i can yoyo up and down all my life but short of a lobtomy my comfort will always be found in a purple wrapper. So i need to find another comfort, i dont know what yet, but i need something that when the going gets tough gives me a little lift but doesnt add inches to my thighs. Retraining of the brain is in order i think and like any addict it isnt going to be easy, but today as sad as i was i didnt cheat and trust me i came very close! The fact remains tho i didnt cheat, i just sat there wiping away my salty tears and wishing i was crying calories, lets hope today is a better day xx