im ready to give up

I know its been a while since i wrote my blog, but there is a reason for this. I am really struggling, go back to last week and i was so determined, so ready to face this, so happy with the direction i was heading. fast forward to this week and I'm a mess. I was really ill last week and i was certain i had got my stone, now i feel i may have put on. Last night i had a pizza and 2 glasses of wine. I am so disappointed in myself. After i finally recovered from my illness i felt so very down, everything was getting on top of me and I felt sore and bloated. No excuse i know but i am a depressive and I rely on my mood if that makes sense to get me through the days. Not getting my divorce as hit me hard and I have decided that tomorrow I am finally going to say why the divorce means so much to me. It is a very personal blog but i need you all to understand why i have fell apart so hard. This morning I feel down, how can i get so close and then risk it all? How can i recover now? I'm upset and ashamed to go on Tuesday and I am contemplating giving up for good. I am a greedy cow and I use food, I really needed something to feel better about myself and it worked for the first Friday in weeks I actually felt that i was celebrating getting through a week. I felt that i could relax and let myself have a laugh, this morning I am paying the price. Please help me I need some sort of detox anything to get me to Tuesday, if I fail now I will have let everyone down. xxx