dieting on a saturday night

26/2/12
Got to say that last night was one of the worse Saturday nights i have had in a long time, Ive had a tough week, I'm due on and i didn't have any kids what i wanted was to have a few bottles of wkd, some sweets and a film, what i had instead was a tub of sugar free jelly, a bottle of water and a early night. For the first time last night since Christmas i really fancied a drink, i was all over the place and a little upset cause my bf  found out my weight. I know sounds stupid doesn't it, this is the man who practically knows everything about me, hes seen the labels in my clothes, Jesus Ive sat on him enough times for him to have a far idea of what a hippo i am, but one thing is sacred to me, and that is what i actually weigh. Until last night only myself and the consultant at my slimming club knew my weight, now my bf does. What do i think it will change? I don't know, but i am really upset about it, feeling down and of course embarrassed, being the kind of gal i am i always thought i could make myself look nice no matter what i weigh, but now i feel like he is just going to see these numbers every time he looks at me. To me weight is a very personal thing, (says the girl whose telling the world what a fatty i am) but those numbers represent so much to me, i feel stripped bear and now under so much more pressure to get the weight off. Add to the fact that i accidentally cheated in the week and i am feeling pretty low, how can i fail this early on? When is someone going to make it ok to be large and loved? xxx