even the jolly fat girls get sad

6/2/12
Yesterday was a tough day, ive been feeling a little tender since i gained weight on friday, i know its only weight and i will get it off eventually but that 1 and a half pounds as really played on my mind. Everything i have wore feels tighter, looks worse and generally isnt doing the job of making me feel fab. As far as my mind is concerned it may have well as been 1 stone. This is where i feel that i have real problems, i have a lot of friends that are on diets (funny how they are all women) and they seem to be able to just chalk it up to experience put it behind them and forget about it knowing they are going to get it off next week. Me i cant do this, i feel like i have let everyone down, i feel like i cant do nothing right and im feel very self conscious, my boyfriend as even threatened to throw the scales in the bin as i have been so upset. Why cant i just carry on? Just accept that my body will change? Because it reminds me so terribly of the last time i put on weight after i had lost the weight. After reaching a 'acceptable' weight last time i was relaxing alittle and generally getting on with my life. I noticed i had put on 3lbs, and do you know what i did? NOTHING! I wasnt bothered, it was 3lb and i had lost so much what was 3lb right? WRONG I got lazy and didnt bother i should have tackled that 3lb head on- but i didnt, fast forward a year and look at the fat mess i am now. So you see i have to bother about this 1lb and a half, my 8lb loss turned to 6 and a half pound and i realised that i cant have a hiccup, i can never let myself breathe for a bit, i will always have to be on a diet for the rest of my life, cause i am a fatty, a greedy one at that and it hurts to know that i can run round all week after everyone else and still fail myself, the cakes will never be mine and i certainly cant eat all the pies xxx