some luck please

29/2/12
So last night was weigh day after a terrible week and me having come on a week early i was relieved to have just stayed the same, of course i was a little gutted too its only my second week after all but i am determined to have a good week this time. Thing is someone up there obviously as it in for me, knowing that i am an emotional eater the stress im under at the moment seems destined to have me running to chocolate, im trying my hardest to stay away after all look where chocolate got me last time, a big huge mess that hates the way i look in everything i wear. To be able to wear a pair of jeans that arent elasticated, to be confident enough to wear my red high heels again and not be ashamed of who i am would be lovely. But then i suppose so would winning the lottery, a good nights sleep and a cleaner. Last night i had no sleep, sam is poorly i know it isnt his fault, but ive just had to pay to get a car fixed, his birthday is sunday and i cant really afford to miss another day off work. Still when i signed up to have children i swore i would put them first, so today i am missing out on a days wages cause my baby needs me. However this week i have also realised i am quite a selfish person, i never thought i was before, but that was before my sexy weekend for my birthday came under threat, the funds just aint there and unless i get a miracle soon it will have to be cancelled. Im so upset about it, ive never had a holiday on my own and i was so looking forward to it, it was supposed to be my goal, my aim my one treat and i am seriously worried it just isnt going to happen. Then just to get my depressive self in an even more mess, the doctors have insisted i drop my antidepressants and the court have refused my divorce petition for the 3rd time. Is it too much to just want to be divorced? I want to be miss shore again not legally and married woman, of course money always comes into it and if i had the money to pay for it i could be divorced quick time, but no like everyone else in this country i am struggling on the edge just to keep me house. Sorry for a depressive post  but i have to get this out, cry all my tears and focus on the one thing i can do right now and thats lose some of this extra baggage i am carrying around xxx