There is more to me than meets the eye!

16/1/12
So im feeling a little better today, still not great but well enough to go to work, which is a blessing really cause as much as i could do with the rest, im skint! I dont even mean a little bit skint either, skint to the point of my diet getting very close to becoming a starvation diet! As weekends go it hasnt been the greatest, first my car died, so ok its only the battery but its still £90 quid, school are constantly asking me for money, bills to be paid and now the washing machine decides to leak everywhere! My kitchen is falling apart (i am now 3 cupboard doors down) and i have no food! When i say no food i mean good food, we still have things left over from christmas but trying to get from whale size to more of a carp size this is really not the food for me. I dont get paid until a week today and i have £20 at the moment, now that does not go very far at the best of times but jesus why does fruit have to cost a bomb? Im half thinking of returning to my old job............
Now as part of the deal with this blog i am promising to be completly honest and let you get to know the real me so please dont judge me on this! Im still Julie after all. Reverse 3 years and im fat, very fat about 18 stone worth of fat, my ex husband got made reduntant and i hadnt worked since Sam was born so poorly, but i didnt want to start claiming so i worked from home as a ...........sex texter..........(you may now gasp in horror), Thing is it worked, i could still be a stay at home mum but my kids would still have food in their bellies. It opened my eyes to an whole new world (and not in the way you are thinking) I suddenly found that men are very interested in women of all shapes and sizes, everyday we were given a persona, a woman to pretend to be including pictures! One day i was assigned the persona of 'big fat jenna' now bless her big fat jenna was just as described, i practically felt malnourished! That day i realised that men do not find us fatties unattractive in fact a huge number of men find a huge woman very very attractive. I hated that job, i hated that i had to do it, but i was not going to let my kids go without and when times are tough us mums do our very very best. It however made me realise that i was good enough, i was confident in who i was back then but after that day my confidence soared, ok so i wasnt everyones cup of tea but i was married and i found i could be well dressed and attractive. That was one of the times i remember feeling truely happy within my skin, so what turned me into a reclusive, calorie counting size obsessed weirdo? I cant tell you yet but i will, this is just the start of my journey and i hope when i have overcome this weeks demons you will still be following me and will support me when i tell you , have a great monday guys the world is ours to seize xx