what being thin means to my life

23/1/12
Was excellent yesterday, really trying hard to put my bad time behind me and get on track for friday, yesterday i got to thinking about all the things i feel i can no longer do now i have put the majority of my weight back on. First of all it means red heels! Stupid i know but i just dont have the confidence to wear them anymore, to me red signals 'look at me' now once upon a time that would have been fine by me, i felt confident to carry them off, now they gather dust in my wardrobe as i feel that if i wore them, people wouldnt look at my shoes they would look at my fat and two would my tree trunks seriously not break the gorgeous heels by putting all my weight on too two thin heels??? It also means i wont get done for manslaughter of my lovely bf, as much as he loves me i dont think he appreciated nearly being squashed the other night! Mind you he was beign a typical man! I had gone downstairs at 3.30am to take some more painkillers and in the 3 minutes i was gone he had rolled over to my side of the bed, oh course being the considerate person i am, i never turned on the lights so went back up to bed and only from the yelp did i realise i had jumped straight on the bf, i felt like i had murdered a puppy! Being thin again means nice knickers! I have an obsession with pants and when i lost my weight before i would treat myself with a new pair everytime i lost weight, however now i have 'a sad stomach' hanging over my lady garden wearing silky knickers saying 'sexy beast' no longer feels appropiate.....unless of course i scrub off the sexy part! Now i have gone back to huge parachutes that i can tuck my belly into just to make me look alittle less bumpy, or if im feel humourous my hippo ones! 'im hippo into you' they say and the hippo covers my ass just nicely!
But apart from the obvious confidence boosts it means i can face every day knowing what didnt kill me made me stronger and that fat, thin, swollen faced, or crying with laughter im just Julie and soon everyone is going to know me inside and out xxx