31/12/11
So I feel i need to balance things out slightly, after yesterdays pro's of being fat, so here's the con's, sorry guys it had to be done!
Generally as a rule us 'overgrowners' can do anything we want, we are not all confined to a bed waiting for the wall to be taken down so we can go outside, shock horror we actually lead pretty normal lifes. But even i have to admit that there are a few downsides to being fat, the one that bugs me the most is clothes! Now this is a minefield all in itself, first of all you have the size problem, you know you go into one shop and your a size 16 you go into another and cant even get the size 20 past your big toe. It is so disheartening to feel fairly good one minute and then like a heiffer the next, i really wish that shops would make a standardized size, its like that pain pleasure senario. Wow i fit into a size 16 i must have lost some weight, maybe i will treat myself tonight to a little bar or two........Then trundle next door and sit and stomp your feet in upset rage as the size 20 dont fit- starvation diet here i come! Then there is the price! Everything costs more for a fatty, i understand that maybe we use more cloth and all that, but then at least we use the whole cloth and none of it is being snipped off and thrown away to fit around our dainty little waists, so really shouldnt the skinny's be paying more? for there downright waste of material? But i have to say my all time favourite annoyance is fashion! Now i believe that no matter what your size you can look attractive and pretty if you dress appropiately, but fashion designers seem to think that if something looks good on a size 6 model they will just expand the material and make exactly the same thing for a size 20. Thats when the problems occur, you have large ladies squeezing into boob tubes and mini skirts simply because the shop makes them in their size. Why cant we have different designs completely? That way we wont have people walking round with bellies hanging out instead we have people dressed lovely, elegantly regardless of what their size tag says.
Another con i have found is chairs! Especially in first schools, you know the one my 4 year old son is supposed to sit on is also the one im supposed to get both my arse cheeks on. Now admitedly this doesnt happen all that often, but parents evening can be a nightmare, as i try to make out its in my religion to sit on the floor rather than face the chair, or hover rather uncertainly over it so it looks like i am sitting but actually im just avoiding the full force of my weight from snapping that precarious plastic. Then there is concert time, now as you would expect in a first school there are many more students to teachers so the small chairs outweigh the normal chairs rather significantly. So everytime there is a concert or play you have about two rows of normal chairs then the rest of the hall is filled with the dreaded little chairs. Therefore i always have to go extremely early to these things so as to guarentee me a normal chair! See the things us 'overgrowners' go through!
But right now my biggest con is saggy bits, we all have them im sure but add a few pounds (ok a lot) and then saggy bits just get more and more south as age and gravity takes its toll. Clothed this isnt so bad, i can tuck at least one of my three bellies into my pants, my knockers are confined to a hammock sold to me as a bra and my bingo wings are encased in a cardigan. But strip for a bath and it all hangs out! Once i was getting in the bath when i felt a sharp pain in my boob, i panicked for a moment until i realised i had just stood on my nipple. Shaving my armpits i have to lift my boob under my chins hold it tight so it doesnt fall into the said armpit and then i can shave away, and as for my belly button i would have it pierced if i could just find it! The things we have to face hey! but no more i was so strict yesterday and i intend to carry it on today and for the foreseeable future after all i have a precious few days to get into them work trousers! untill tomorrow xx
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- the pro's of being fat
30/12/11
Right I dont know about you guys but i have had enough of all the adverts and tv programmes making us feel bad, i bet everyone as overindulged this christmas and i bet you are all hastily eating the leftover goodies before new year starts and with it the strict regimes, unless of course your lucky enough to be once of these people that can eat whatever you want. So i thought i would cheer us all up with some good points to being fat (stick with me guys i promise you there are some) For a start we are enviromentally friendly creatures us 'overgrown' lot, our special blubber means we require less heating, we are naturally more insulated than the skinnier variety, its true just ask my bf who by the time ive snuggled up and wrapped a boob over each of his arms requires no pj's or covers. So technically we are also saving money as well as the heating can be kept down low (as long as you dont use the saved money to buy chocolate its a win win situation). Then there is water usage, overgrown people have to use less water in a bath as as soon as we put our lardy arses into the water it automatically doubles in size, seriously guys the water company should charge us less. But let us not forget the most talked about topic of today- waste. 'Overgrowners' do not do waste, we eat every little thing left so we dont fill the landfill as much, thrown out food?- whats that? We should give ourselves a pat on the back for being so green. :)
We are also harder to kidnap, i mean as much as im sure someone would love to spend some time with me, the thought of actually carrying me away would be enough to put anyone off, and imagine how much it would cost to feed me? Personally i just dont think i am worth the hassle! We are extremly visible people,as much as im sure that we would like to fade into the background it just dont happen, but again this as its good points. People are less likely to bump into you- i mean they would have to blind to miss you! Looking for a friend in a pub? Again if that friend is overgrown they are so much easier to spot. I for one have found other advantages of having planets orbiting my ass- if i have a spot people are so much less likely to notice! When i exercise my ass cheeks clap so i feel like i am being extra supported and lets not forget the greatest thing about us- if it wasnt for us 'overgrowners' skinny birds wouldnt look as good!
So lets sum it up, i think we are pretty awesome, everyone should be our friends, our bodies are really doing us a favour keeping us out of trouble, saving the world from global warming and we even have our very own fan clubs- my bum cheeks just keep on cheering ;) till tomorrow keep smiling, you are who you are :) xxx
Right I dont know about you guys but i have had enough of all the adverts and tv programmes making us feel bad, i bet everyone as overindulged this christmas and i bet you are all hastily eating the leftover goodies before new year starts and with it the strict regimes, unless of course your lucky enough to be once of these people that can eat whatever you want. So i thought i would cheer us all up with some good points to being fat (stick with me guys i promise you there are some) For a start we are enviromentally friendly creatures us 'overgrown' lot, our special blubber means we require less heating, we are naturally more insulated than the skinnier variety, its true just ask my bf who by the time ive snuggled up and wrapped a boob over each of his arms requires no pj's or covers. So technically we are also saving money as well as the heating can be kept down low (as long as you dont use the saved money to buy chocolate its a win win situation). Then there is water usage, overgrown people have to use less water in a bath as as soon as we put our lardy arses into the water it automatically doubles in size, seriously guys the water company should charge us less. But let us not forget the most talked about topic of today- waste. 'Overgrowners' do not do waste, we eat every little thing left so we dont fill the landfill as much, thrown out food?- whats that? We should give ourselves a pat on the back for being so green. :)
We are also harder to kidnap, i mean as much as im sure someone would love to spend some time with me, the thought of actually carrying me away would be enough to put anyone off, and imagine how much it would cost to feed me? Personally i just dont think i am worth the hassle! We are extremly visible people,as much as im sure that we would like to fade into the background it just dont happen, but again this as its good points. People are less likely to bump into you- i mean they would have to blind to miss you! Looking for a friend in a pub? Again if that friend is overgrown they are so much easier to spot. I for one have found other advantages of having planets orbiting my ass- if i have a spot people are so much less likely to notice! When i exercise my ass cheeks clap so i feel like i am being extra supported and lets not forget the greatest thing about us- if it wasnt for us 'overgrowners' skinny birds wouldnt look as good!
So lets sum it up, i think we are pretty awesome, everyone should be our friends, our bodies are really doing us a favour keeping us out of trouble, saving the world from global warming and we even have our very own fan clubs- my bum cheeks just keep on cheering ;) till tomorrow keep smiling, you are who you are :) xxx
Life of an Overeater- Fat Tv
29/12/11
So its almost new year and cant you tell! The TV at the moment just seems to be taunting us about 2 things, christmas as barely passed and already the sales adverts are on, you know that toy you bought just days ago its now £12 cheaper, wow arent we lucky! The other thing is diet adverts/tv programmes. Yesterday I had a rare day off and i was determined to do nothing but paint, read and watch copious amounts of trash on tv. For one day i wanted to treat my fat ass to a guilt free sit down, it wasnt it be. First came the adverts, lighterlife- doesnt pauline quirke look great, its obvious that it works and maybe that is my answer, controlled substances going in my cake hole. Problem! To sign up for lightlife I would probably have to miss this months mortgage payments- not good! To be fair though they are all the same, weightwatchers, slimming world, slimfast, diet chef, they all cost a fortune, not to mention the fact that healthy food is twice as much as junk its no wonder these clubs carry on year after year, yes the diet works but the minute you run out of money for membership, special food etc you pile the weight back on. Then there was yesterdays TV programmes, the choice was astounding, ' I used to be fat' ,'Half ton teen' ,' fat camp', 'biggest loser' . Now im a little confused are these things supposed to inspire me? or shame me? Everyone's idea of fat though is obviously different, i mean there were some people on biggest loser which made me feel like an obese whale in comparision and then there was half ton teen which made me feel skinny and oh so nearly made me eat a large piece of gateaux. Where do we fit really? I mean all my mates moan about their weight, so im guessing that its purely a self conscience thing but according to my bmi i am not only fat i am clinically dead- dont worry im not! They all show the same thing tho, fat people eating and generally not moving, or when they do panting like a dog on heat. So i think that i should make a tv programme about me. Im fat/dead yet i still clean up, chase the kids round, go to work and generally be normal. Yes my weight is unhealthy but to be honest it aint stopping me living my life, ok so i cant climb up the loft- but hey we have no ladders, i fart when i do a sit ups but at least i make them loud and proud and i dont demand people bring me pizzas and cakes from the supermarket while i sit on the xbox. So maybe this would be a more realistic view, but then i suppose that would make boring tv! I think my Tv debut is a long way off yet! xx
So its almost new year and cant you tell! The TV at the moment just seems to be taunting us about 2 things, christmas as barely passed and already the sales adverts are on, you know that toy you bought just days ago its now £12 cheaper, wow arent we lucky! The other thing is diet adverts/tv programmes. Yesterday I had a rare day off and i was determined to do nothing but paint, read and watch copious amounts of trash on tv. For one day i wanted to treat my fat ass to a guilt free sit down, it wasnt it be. First came the adverts, lighterlife- doesnt pauline quirke look great, its obvious that it works and maybe that is my answer, controlled substances going in my cake hole. Problem! To sign up for lightlife I would probably have to miss this months mortgage payments- not good! To be fair though they are all the same, weightwatchers, slimming world, slimfast, diet chef, they all cost a fortune, not to mention the fact that healthy food is twice as much as junk its no wonder these clubs carry on year after year, yes the diet works but the minute you run out of money for membership, special food etc you pile the weight back on. Then there was yesterdays TV programmes, the choice was astounding, ' I used to be fat' ,'Half ton teen' ,' fat camp', 'biggest loser' . Now im a little confused are these things supposed to inspire me? or shame me? Everyone's idea of fat though is obviously different, i mean there were some people on biggest loser which made me feel like an obese whale in comparision and then there was half ton teen which made me feel skinny and oh so nearly made me eat a large piece of gateaux. Where do we fit really? I mean all my mates moan about their weight, so im guessing that its purely a self conscience thing but according to my bmi i am not only fat i am clinically dead- dont worry im not! They all show the same thing tho, fat people eating and generally not moving, or when they do panting like a dog on heat. So i think that i should make a tv programme about me. Im fat/dead yet i still clean up, chase the kids round, go to work and generally be normal. Yes my weight is unhealthy but to be honest it aint stopping me living my life, ok so i cant climb up the loft- but hey we have no ladders, i fart when i do a sit ups but at least i make them loud and proud and i dont demand people bring me pizzas and cakes from the supermarket while i sit on the xbox. So maybe this would be a more realistic view, but then i suppose that would make boring tv! I think my Tv debut is a long way off yet! xx
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Facing the Truth
28/12/11
Yesterday was not a good day. I spent most of it emotionally drained and upset, it started off so great and then Sam started, by 11am he still wasnt dressed and was really playing me up, wii remotes got thrown, i had several smacks in the face and a kick in the shins, in the end I literally had to pin him down to calm him down as he got more and more out of control, his room was trashed, im covered in scratches. I think that was when the stress of the last week hit me, Sam was out of control christmas day and then again boxing day add that to the fact that the hospital didnt go well last week. For years I have been told that i will have to wait until Sam is 6 until he can be assessed, but then miracles of miracles one doctor believed me, she noted that he also had a few physical traits that may point towards a chromosonal disorder and we got refered. That was where the progress ended, my ex husband believes their is nothing wrong with Sam and the minute the doctor at the hospital heard Sam was from a split family she clung to that knowledge and refused to investigate any further, instead i am going to get some 'help' with dealing with a broken family. No one listens to me, they ignore the fact that Sam as been like this since he was one and we didnt split up until he was three. For days I have been trying to put it to the back of my mind i didnt face it until yesterday when i realised that Sam is only going to get bigger and stronger and I am going to have to continue to deal with it alone.
So when he finally went to his dads for a while i did what i always do, without even thinking about it, i attacked the kitchen going through it like pac man till my poor stomach could take no more i then slept most of the afternoon. Nice one Julie!
Later on, i looked through my christmas pics and trust me there is a reason they havent been uploaded to facebook yet, I cant believe how fat i have got, i only looked 'acceptable' in one picture, and that was just my face on show, leaning to the side so my chins fell behind my ears and couldnt be seen. Is that what i have to do for the rest of my life, just show my face? would be nice wouldnt it? then i wouldnt have to worry, then i could focus on one thing at a time, then i could just be me. I am determined today will be better, yet again i have had almost zero sleep so everything as been running through my mind, i have had to face the truth that i am on my own with Sam and it is up to me now, its up to me to get this weight off too, i need to stop hiding behind chocolate and start facing the world with a carrot stick, either that or i can save up to be hypnotised! I can just imagine it now ......'you dont need chocolate'......'cake is bad'.......'lettuce solves everything'
Nah cant imagine it working either! xx
Yesterday was not a good day. I spent most of it emotionally drained and upset, it started off so great and then Sam started, by 11am he still wasnt dressed and was really playing me up, wii remotes got thrown, i had several smacks in the face and a kick in the shins, in the end I literally had to pin him down to calm him down as he got more and more out of control, his room was trashed, im covered in scratches. I think that was when the stress of the last week hit me, Sam was out of control christmas day and then again boxing day add that to the fact that the hospital didnt go well last week. For years I have been told that i will have to wait until Sam is 6 until he can be assessed, but then miracles of miracles one doctor believed me, she noted that he also had a few physical traits that may point towards a chromosonal disorder and we got refered. That was where the progress ended, my ex husband believes their is nothing wrong with Sam and the minute the doctor at the hospital heard Sam was from a split family she clung to that knowledge and refused to investigate any further, instead i am going to get some 'help' with dealing with a broken family. No one listens to me, they ignore the fact that Sam as been like this since he was one and we didnt split up until he was three. For days I have been trying to put it to the back of my mind i didnt face it until yesterday when i realised that Sam is only going to get bigger and stronger and I am going to have to continue to deal with it alone.
So when he finally went to his dads for a while i did what i always do, without even thinking about it, i attacked the kitchen going through it like pac man till my poor stomach could take no more i then slept most of the afternoon. Nice one Julie!
Later on, i looked through my christmas pics and trust me there is a reason they havent been uploaded to facebook yet, I cant believe how fat i have got, i only looked 'acceptable' in one picture, and that was just my face on show, leaning to the side so my chins fell behind my ears and couldnt be seen. Is that what i have to do for the rest of my life, just show my face? would be nice wouldnt it? then i wouldnt have to worry, then i could focus on one thing at a time, then i could just be me. I am determined today will be better, yet again i have had almost zero sleep so everything as been running through my mind, i have had to face the truth that i am on my own with Sam and it is up to me now, its up to me to get this weight off too, i need to stop hiding behind chocolate and start facing the world with a carrot stick, either that or i can save up to be hypnotised! I can just imagine it now ......'you dont need chocolate'......'cake is bad'.......'lettuce solves everything'
Nah cant imagine it working either! xx
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Sugar Slump
27/12/11
Have you ever noticed that if you eat a big meal the night before you always wake up starving, but if you only eat light you dont noticed the hunger pains so much? Just another weird thing about dieting. Today I am starving! I have my meals all planned out and a exercise routine in place, but already i am struggling! Last night i had a dream that i gave birth to another baby (dont worry there is no chance)but apparently dreaming of giving birth means a new start. So i woke up bleary but determined, stumbles down the stairs to put on the kettle, bypassed the biscuits, stopped my hands from grabbing a spoon to finish off the left over gateaux and managed to make myself a cuppa without drooling over the half eaten toblerone on the side. Wow i am so proud of myself that was easier than i thought, so onwards to the lounge to get my morning fix of facebook only to be faced with a open tub of celebrations! Scrap that this aint easy at all! there is literally goodies strategically placed all over the place for me to avoid. Its like a obstacle course of good versus evil and if i trip or stumble i might accidently fall face first into a tub of chocolate, and trust me we dont want that to happen do we? I sat there for a full half hour reading status updates, looking at pictures and trying so god damn hard to not touch those chocolates. It werent working, i ate a chocolate! a galaxy caramel one :( thats at least 30 minutes on the wii or a big poo! so I took the chocolates away and hid them ( yeah smart move Julie cause if you hide them you wont remember where you put them! duh!) then got out my painting to try and finish the eiffel tower. All i could think about was chocolate, i am proper suffering with a sugar slump! You know that horrible feeling when you crave something sweet and you literally think your going to get the shakes! Well trust me Im not quite that bad but I do know that come tonight I am going to be a very grumpy girl, plus i cant drink the wkds in the fridge so watch out world this bitch is on a sugar slump, and poor john is going to have to refrain himself from shoving a snickers in my mouth to shut me the god damn up, wish me luck guys xx
Have you ever noticed that if you eat a big meal the night before you always wake up starving, but if you only eat light you dont noticed the hunger pains so much? Just another weird thing about dieting. Today I am starving! I have my meals all planned out and a exercise routine in place, but already i am struggling! Last night i had a dream that i gave birth to another baby (dont worry there is no chance)but apparently dreaming of giving birth means a new start. So i woke up bleary but determined, stumbles down the stairs to put on the kettle, bypassed the biscuits, stopped my hands from grabbing a spoon to finish off the left over gateaux and managed to make myself a cuppa without drooling over the half eaten toblerone on the side. Wow i am so proud of myself that was easier than i thought, so onwards to the lounge to get my morning fix of facebook only to be faced with a open tub of celebrations! Scrap that this aint easy at all! there is literally goodies strategically placed all over the place for me to avoid. Its like a obstacle course of good versus evil and if i trip or stumble i might accidently fall face first into a tub of chocolate, and trust me we dont want that to happen do we? I sat there for a full half hour reading status updates, looking at pictures and trying so god damn hard to not touch those chocolates. It werent working, i ate a chocolate! a galaxy caramel one :( thats at least 30 minutes on the wii or a big poo! so I took the chocolates away and hid them ( yeah smart move Julie cause if you hide them you wont remember where you put them! duh!) then got out my painting to try and finish the eiffel tower. All i could think about was chocolate, i am proper suffering with a sugar slump! You know that horrible feeling when you crave something sweet and you literally think your going to get the shakes! Well trust me Im not quite that bad but I do know that come tonight I am going to be a very grumpy girl, plus i cant drink the wkds in the fridge so watch out world this bitch is on a sugar slump, and poor john is going to have to refrain himself from shoving a snickers in my mouth to shut me the god damn up, wish me luck guys xx
Monday, 26 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Temptations
26/12/11
So this is it, its boxing day and officially i should start today, im going to start today, i have to start today, cause a week today i am expected to get in my work trousers which to be fair was snug on my last shift and if yesterday was anything to go by if i dont start today i have no chance of getting in them without a very pronouced camel toe. Its going to be very hard to get through this next week, it seems people know me very well, cause as of yesterday we now have a huge tub of celebrations (can i celebrate my weightloss in advance with chocolate) two big boxes of biscuits, chocolate no less, very posh and i have a feeling very moreish! A box of chocolate seashells and a terry chocolate orange ( trust me it aint terry's its so very very much mine! so dont even dare try touching it). Now being as health conscious as i am i have checked all the use by dates, cause i cant risk them going to waste just incase i was forced to eat them this week or perhaps even today. The good news is, or is it? is that they dont go out of date till easter at the earliest, so logically i should be able to diet religiously till easter and still enjoy all my goodies. However in Julie logic i know that everyday for the next few months i am going to have to walk past that cupboard, hear it whispering to me, smell the sickly sweetness and instead make do with the drool from my mouth for nourishment.I mean even my new socks say i love sweets, i mean what chance do i have!
But i have no choice i have to do this, cause even my pictures from yesterday dont look anygood unless they are out of focus, far away or just show my boobs, cause my 3 enormous chins take over everything! So heres the plan from today as yesterdays binge fest didnt put me off chocolate, i am going to paint all day, i am going to try and resist temptations but im not going to beat myself up about it, cause i am also going to exercise, every day and hope that this will make up for the fact that a slice /(or two) of chocolate orange may accidently fall into my mouth. Merry christmas chins, merry christmas bingo wings and merry christmas belly 1, 2 and not forgetting 3 your days are numbered! :) xx
So this is it, its boxing day and officially i should start today, im going to start today, i have to start today, cause a week today i am expected to get in my work trousers which to be fair was snug on my last shift and if yesterday was anything to go by if i dont start today i have no chance of getting in them without a very pronouced camel toe. Its going to be very hard to get through this next week, it seems people know me very well, cause as of yesterday we now have a huge tub of celebrations (can i celebrate my weightloss in advance with chocolate) two big boxes of biscuits, chocolate no less, very posh and i have a feeling very moreish! A box of chocolate seashells and a terry chocolate orange ( trust me it aint terry's its so very very much mine! so dont even dare try touching it). Now being as health conscious as i am i have checked all the use by dates, cause i cant risk them going to waste just incase i was forced to eat them this week or perhaps even today. The good news is, or is it? is that they dont go out of date till easter at the earliest, so logically i should be able to diet religiously till easter and still enjoy all my goodies. However in Julie logic i know that everyday for the next few months i am going to have to walk past that cupboard, hear it whispering to me, smell the sickly sweetness and instead make do with the drool from my mouth for nourishment.I mean even my new socks say i love sweets, i mean what chance do i have!
But i have no choice i have to do this, cause even my pictures from yesterday dont look anygood unless they are out of focus, far away or just show my boobs, cause my 3 enormous chins take over everything! So heres the plan from today as yesterdays binge fest didnt put me off chocolate, i am going to paint all day, i am going to try and resist temptations but im not going to beat myself up about it, cause i am also going to exercise, every day and hope that this will make up for the fact that a slice /(or two) of chocolate orange may accidently fall into my mouth. Merry christmas chins, merry christmas bingo wings and merry christmas belly 1, 2 and not forgetting 3 your days are numbered! :) xx
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Life of an Overeater-christmas indulgence
24/12/11
Its christmas eve! im so excited possibly more so than the kids! Got loads to do today but thought i would give me my daily update first along with my christmas plans for food! Needless to say there wont be a blog tomorrow cause i will be too busy stuffing the hole in my face, the only day of the year when it is acceptable to do this and not be frowned upon. So here's my plan cause after christmas day i plan to really fight the flab. Have you ever eaten something and then that night been sick as a dog? it probably had nothing at all to do with the food and was just unlucky that you picked up a bug, but my point is that you associate the last thing you ate with the sickness. I remember years ago i ate sweet and sour chicken and that night was sick as a dog, for years i didnt eat sweet and sour chicken. The mere thought of it turned my stomach and made me believe i was going to be ill. So heres my plan this christmas, i am going to indulge myself completly, feed my sweet tooth till it cant take no more and then hopefully by boxing day i am going to be sick of chocolate and sugary treats, the mere thought of it will remind me of how uncomfortable, fat and bloated i felt and therefore put me off chocolate for the coming year....... heck who am i kidding! I know it probably wont work but hell it will be fun trying! So rest safe in the knowledge that tomorrow i can be as reckless as i like, no work trousers on monday, no need to go out and possibly be the fat girl that falls,all is well with the world and until monday i can be myself for one last day xx merry christmas to you all have a wonderful day and love to you and your families, il see you boxing day when things get hard xx
Its christmas eve! im so excited possibly more so than the kids! Got loads to do today but thought i would give me my daily update first along with my christmas plans for food! Needless to say there wont be a blog tomorrow cause i will be too busy stuffing the hole in my face, the only day of the year when it is acceptable to do this and not be frowned upon. So here's my plan cause after christmas day i plan to really fight the flab. Have you ever eaten something and then that night been sick as a dog? it probably had nothing at all to do with the food and was just unlucky that you picked up a bug, but my point is that you associate the last thing you ate with the sickness. I remember years ago i ate sweet and sour chicken and that night was sick as a dog, for years i didnt eat sweet and sour chicken. The mere thought of it turned my stomach and made me believe i was going to be ill. So heres my plan this christmas, i am going to indulge myself completly, feed my sweet tooth till it cant take no more and then hopefully by boxing day i am going to be sick of chocolate and sugary treats, the mere thought of it will remind me of how uncomfortable, fat and bloated i felt and therefore put me off chocolate for the coming year....... heck who am i kidding! I know it probably wont work but hell it will be fun trying! So rest safe in the knowledge that tomorrow i can be as reckless as i like, no work trousers on monday, no need to go out and possibly be the fat girl that falls,all is well with the world and until monday i can be myself for one last day xx merry christmas to you all have a wonderful day and love to you and your families, il see you boxing day when things get hard xx
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Life of an overeater- things that confuse me
23/12/11
Im sure that like everyone else in the world anything with the word diet in it immediatly grabs your attention and you become practicly willing to try anything that is suggested. Trust me i am one of these, i guess deep down we all keep hoping there is a miracle cure that will allow is to go about our lives free from guilt, calories and carbs, personally i think apart from cutting my tongue out nothing will stop me. But im a little confused how the basis of some of these tips work, i mean i read once that cleaning the house makes you loose weight, my house is bloody spotless so why aint i thin? Apparently using bubble bath or shower gel that is scented like food, even if it is fruit can make you put on weight, personally i now stink of grass, orchids, jasmine and blossom but i am still fat! im normal i follow the rules so why doesnt it work? Nuts are good for you.... i eat peanut m&m's and my all time favourite is a toss up between walnut whips and chocolate covered brazils confused? so am i! Ive also tried pretty much all of the 'supplements' currently i have adios- designed to make you say goodbye to your extra water retention, unfortunatly i found nothing in the small print that says it also flushes out doughnuts. Liposlim- little 'milk' type cartons that you take before each meal, i suppose with this one it is so rank that you would probably want to throw up, unfortunatly i just shovelled my dinner in desperate to get rid of the taste! Acai berries, suposed to speed up your metabolism, i took mine for 4 days before the bloating (i suppose it is better to look pregnant with twins rather than fat) and weird gurgling noises coming from my stomach forced me to stop in case someone thought i had ingested a alien.
I have even tried the dreaded orlistat, for those of you that dont know it is a tablet you take and anything above a certain fat allowance gets taken away and as naturally as possible your body disposes of it (you know what i mean) now i have heard all sorts of horror stories about 'leaking' and the such like, being caught short, hours on the loo. So bearing this is mind i stocked up on loo paper and when i had a couple of days off work i started taking them................breakfast passed- nothing, lunch down the hatch- nothing! and even dinner and i didnt so much as fart! At £50 a bottle i expect at least one poo! Believe it or not the whole time i took it it never did anything to me and i didnt loose anymore weight either. I can only think that my body likes fat just as much as i do and was clinging onto it for dear life, yeah thanks for that body! see its a conspiracy they are all against me!
But i cant forget that originally i lost my weight the natural hard way, exercise and calorie counting, its hard to believe that i was once so determined i used to go on the wii fit at 5am before i went to work! I just need to get that spark back, or learn to except that like a yo yo i will always go up and down, but watch this space cause this was me (above) a year ago and that will be me again...... thats if i can just get myself to hate chocolate xx
Im sure that like everyone else in the world anything with the word diet in it immediatly grabs your attention and you become practicly willing to try anything that is suggested. Trust me i am one of these, i guess deep down we all keep hoping there is a miracle cure that will allow is to go about our lives free from guilt, calories and carbs, personally i think apart from cutting my tongue out nothing will stop me. But im a little confused how the basis of some of these tips work, i mean i read once that cleaning the house makes you loose weight, my house is bloody spotless so why aint i thin? Apparently using bubble bath or shower gel that is scented like food, even if it is fruit can make you put on weight, personally i now stink of grass, orchids, jasmine and blossom but i am still fat! im normal i follow the rules so why doesnt it work? Nuts are good for you.... i eat peanut m&m's and my all time favourite is a toss up between walnut whips and chocolate covered brazils confused? so am i! Ive also tried pretty much all of the 'supplements' currently i have adios- designed to make you say goodbye to your extra water retention, unfortunatly i found nothing in the small print that says it also flushes out doughnuts. Liposlim- little 'milk' type cartons that you take before each meal, i suppose with this one it is so rank that you would probably want to throw up, unfortunatly i just shovelled my dinner in desperate to get rid of the taste! Acai berries, suposed to speed up your metabolism, i took mine for 4 days before the bloating (i suppose it is better to look pregnant with twins rather than fat) and weird gurgling noises coming from my stomach forced me to stop in case someone thought i had ingested a alien.
I have even tried the dreaded orlistat, for those of you that dont know it is a tablet you take and anything above a certain fat allowance gets taken away and as naturally as possible your body disposes of it (you know what i mean) now i have heard all sorts of horror stories about 'leaking' and the such like, being caught short, hours on the loo. So bearing this is mind i stocked up on loo paper and when i had a couple of days off work i started taking them................breakfast passed- nothing, lunch down the hatch- nothing! and even dinner and i didnt so much as fart! At £50 a bottle i expect at least one poo! Believe it or not the whole time i took it it never did anything to me and i didnt loose anymore weight either. I can only think that my body likes fat just as much as i do and was clinging onto it for dear life, yeah thanks for that body! see its a conspiracy they are all against me!
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Im not fat im overgrown
22/12/11
Ive often wondered if the reason us larger ladies weigh more is because we need to have thicker skin, after all skin weighs a fair bit to start with. Yesterday I was a little upset and my eldest son George came over to give me a hug, he didnt ask why i was upset but presumed it had something to do with the fact that i was the only one not eating sponge pudding and custard (just for the record it wasnt lol). As he had his arms around me he said in only the way kids can 'dont worry mum your not fat your just overgrown' this produced more tears but this time from laughter. I mean i cant be cross with the fact my son as just called me fat in the nicest possible way he is only a kid and to him what he said wasnt hurtful at all. Out the mouths of babes as they say! But sometimes adults can be just as bad, i mean i dont get it, if someone as just had their leg amputated you dont say to them 'you looked better with 2 legs' but since my weight loss and then subsequent weight gain people seem to think im fair game. Classic example number one, 'it's ok that your fat cause you have a pretty face' believe me that was actually said to me! i mean im relieved to hear that i have a pretty face but why bring my weight into it at all? 'Have you thought about getting your jaw wired out of your birthday money?' this one i actually laughed with shock! I mean being fat doesnt make me a bad person does it? im not a murderer or a nasty piece of work, i can do this the hard way i have done before so i know i can, again another presumption that all overgrown people just sit stuffing their face all day and a few staples in the right place will be the magic cure. 'its such a shame that youve put on all that weight after all your hard work (shake of head) such a shame' this one upset me for weeks and made me feel like everyone was looking at me thinking the same, yes i am gutted i couldnt keep the weight off but in the grand scheme of things it isnt a shame, a shame is a poorly child missing christmas day, a lost loved one, soldiers fighting the other side of the world apart from their families. There are so many worse things than weight gain, so come on give us a break send your sympathies and sarcastic comments somewhere else or next time i might just decide that i am extra hungry and bite off your head.......xxxx
Ive often wondered if the reason us larger ladies weigh more is because we need to have thicker skin, after all skin weighs a fair bit to start with. Yesterday I was a little upset and my eldest son George came over to give me a hug, he didnt ask why i was upset but presumed it had something to do with the fact that i was the only one not eating sponge pudding and custard (just for the record it wasnt lol). As he had his arms around me he said in only the way kids can 'dont worry mum your not fat your just overgrown' this produced more tears but this time from laughter. I mean i cant be cross with the fact my son as just called me fat in the nicest possible way he is only a kid and to him what he said wasnt hurtful at all. Out the mouths of babes as they say! But sometimes adults can be just as bad, i mean i dont get it, if someone as just had their leg amputated you dont say to them 'you looked better with 2 legs' but since my weight loss and then subsequent weight gain people seem to think im fair game. Classic example number one, 'it's ok that your fat cause you have a pretty face' believe me that was actually said to me! i mean im relieved to hear that i have a pretty face but why bring my weight into it at all? 'Have you thought about getting your jaw wired out of your birthday money?' this one i actually laughed with shock! I mean being fat doesnt make me a bad person does it? im not a murderer or a nasty piece of work, i can do this the hard way i have done before so i know i can, again another presumption that all overgrown people just sit stuffing their face all day and a few staples in the right place will be the magic cure. 'its such a shame that youve put on all that weight after all your hard work (shake of head) such a shame' this one upset me for weeks and made me feel like everyone was looking at me thinking the same, yes i am gutted i couldnt keep the weight off but in the grand scheme of things it isnt a shame, a shame is a poorly child missing christmas day, a lost loved one, soldiers fighting the other side of the world apart from their families. There are so many worse things than weight gain, so come on give us a break send your sympathies and sarcastic comments somewhere else or next time i might just decide that i am extra hungry and bite off your head.......xxxx
Life of an Overeater- love ignores calories
21/12/11
Every overeater as a serious side and this is mine, i dont want sympathy and im not making excuses after all everyone as problems and trust me there are loads worse off than me. For the past 2 years I have had crippling depression, days when i couldnt get out of bed, blarted at losing a pen and felt like everyone was talking about me and looking at me disaprovingly. There are many reasons why i fell so deep into the black hole, for a start me and my husband of 10 years split, im not going to use here as a tit for tat but all i will say is that no matter what the circumstances divorce hurts and it knocks your confidence tremendously. There is also Sam, he's my youngest and from the moment my waters broke 12 weeks into the pregnancy i have been on tenterhooks, he is nearly 5 now but i dont think i have still taken a proper relieved breath since that first scan. Sam is my miracle that i am so lucky to have and believe me i always appreciate that things could have been much worse, but i have been convinced since day 1 that something went wrong (in fact today he is at the hospital for tests), he is hyperactive to the extreme, i have found him hanging off the landing by his fingertips in the middle of the night, eating tubs of butter with a spoon and one easter he went downstairs and ate all of my eldest sons easter eggs. He rarely sleeps eats like a horse and yet is tiny but he can also be very violent, his 'tantrums' can last for hours as he kicks hell out of his door and me. You see i seem to be the one that takes all of his violence and the most upsetting thing for me is that while he is attacking me he is shouting he loves me at the same time. I can honestly say hand on heart that i havent had a full nights sleep for years now, even when sam sleeps i seem to be wondering the house in the early hours exhausted yet tense. None of this is an excuse for my over eating but i do want to make the point that being an emotional eater like me this can trigger night feasts to keep my weary eyes open.
Yet every cloud as a silver lining and mine is my wonderful bf, since we got together in november 2010 he as been so supportive and helpful he really is my star. Yet he as also helped me realise that i am me, not matter what i weigh or what size the tag in my clothes say. Every morning he greets me with a 'morning beautiful' and i know he means it. As i have got increasingly upset about my ever expending body he as repeatedly told me that now matter how big i get he will still love me, cause he loves me for me, my personality, the way i am with my kids, my patience , understanding, ability to talk to anyone and put them at ease and the way i put everyone before myself (gawd he makes me sound like a saint!- they were his words not mine!) Infact this blog idea came from him in a way, he as banned me from weighing myself continiously and told me that i will never be happy unless i accept that people do geniunely like me and dont look at me in disgust. The idea is i get to love myself warts and all and then loose the warts for me but safe in the knowledge that if those said lumps reappear no one will love me any less. Thankyou everyone for the support and please keep spreading the message, cause i know that my story mirrors thousands over the world, i want everyone to read it and know we aint alone but we are special in our own way xx
Every overeater as a serious side and this is mine, i dont want sympathy and im not making excuses after all everyone as problems and trust me there are loads worse off than me. For the past 2 years I have had crippling depression, days when i couldnt get out of bed, blarted at losing a pen and felt like everyone was talking about me and looking at me disaprovingly. There are many reasons why i fell so deep into the black hole, for a start me and my husband of 10 years split, im not going to use here as a tit for tat but all i will say is that no matter what the circumstances divorce hurts and it knocks your confidence tremendously. There is also Sam, he's my youngest and from the moment my waters broke 12 weeks into the pregnancy i have been on tenterhooks, he is nearly 5 now but i dont think i have still taken a proper relieved breath since that first scan. Sam is my miracle that i am so lucky to have and believe me i always appreciate that things could have been much worse, but i have been convinced since day 1 that something went wrong (in fact today he is at the hospital for tests), he is hyperactive to the extreme, i have found him hanging off the landing by his fingertips in the middle of the night, eating tubs of butter with a spoon and one easter he went downstairs and ate all of my eldest sons easter eggs. He rarely sleeps eats like a horse and yet is tiny but he can also be very violent, his 'tantrums' can last for hours as he kicks hell out of his door and me. You see i seem to be the one that takes all of his violence and the most upsetting thing for me is that while he is attacking me he is shouting he loves me at the same time. I can honestly say hand on heart that i havent had a full nights sleep for years now, even when sam sleeps i seem to be wondering the house in the early hours exhausted yet tense. None of this is an excuse for my over eating but i do want to make the point that being an emotional eater like me this can trigger night feasts to keep my weary eyes open.
Yet every cloud as a silver lining and mine is my wonderful bf, since we got together in november 2010 he as been so supportive and helpful he really is my star. Yet he as also helped me realise that i am me, not matter what i weigh or what size the tag in my clothes say. Every morning he greets me with a 'morning beautiful' and i know he means it. As i have got increasingly upset about my ever expending body he as repeatedly told me that now matter how big i get he will still love me, cause he loves me for me, my personality, the way i am with my kids, my patience , understanding, ability to talk to anyone and put them at ease and the way i put everyone before myself (gawd he makes me sound like a saint!- they were his words not mine!) Infact this blog idea came from him in a way, he as banned me from weighing myself continiously and told me that i will never be happy unless i accept that people do geniunely like me and dont look at me in disgust. The idea is i get to love myself warts and all and then loose the warts for me but safe in the knowledge that if those said lumps reappear no one will love me any less. Thankyou everyone for the support and please keep spreading the message, cause i know that my story mirrors thousands over the world, i want everyone to read it and know we aint alone but we are special in our own way xx
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
LIfe of an Overeater- food shopping
20/12/11
I hate food shopping the only thing is i love to eat it! I cant stand the constant jamming of trolleys, the fight the last whoopie pie ( sorry that should have read apple) and the smells. There are a few things a dieter cannot stand and thats cookery programmes, M&S adverts and the smell of asda, all those lovely carb, fat and sugary laden treats that are being baked in store. When i used to shop in store i was always very conscious of what went in my trolley, i didnt want the checkout operator to see all the cakes and pies and then see who was putting them on the conveyor, so to a certain extent i was a 'healthy shopper' with only the odd strudel slipped in. But then disaster struck......
Shopping one day with my then 2 year old son the notorious Sam i was browsing the knickers( thats another obsession we will get to another time) when he decided he was not going to stay in the trolley so he started to clamber down the sides, terrified of another broken leg when he had only just come out of plaster I tried to haul him back up, it was at this point he pulled out the ace. He grabbed my top and hung off it with all his might till my boobs popped out. Mortified and frozen with shock i just stood there for a moment with my huge nipples hanging out as several shoppers turned and stared, now my nipples are huge and then tend to resemble chocolate digestives so maybe that was why several people carried on looking barely able to tear their eyes away as they wondered whether they was on special offer. Suddenly the heat of embarresment to my face shook me into action and i quickly shoved the offending articles back in the top grabbed my son and walked out, abandoning the trolley I vowed never to step foot in there again with children.
So I started online shopping, now at first I was super good realising I could more or less avoid temptation by simply not looking up cakes, but i soon realised another advantage of shopping online and it didnt just involve keeping my nellies in my top! The staff who pick the shopping arent the ones that deliver it which meant for all they knew the pastries, chips, crisps and chocolate was for a skinny person, which brings me to my latest confession tonight I am having my christmas food shop delivered and even though im trying to diet this is what my trolley resembles: ( I find singing it out loud to the tune of the 12 days of christmas cuts the calories down)
1 bottle of Advocaat
2 crates of wkd
3 types of lager
4 swiss rolls
5 doughnut rings
6 sausage rolls
7 mini muffins
8 stuffing balls
9 mince pies
10 pizza fingers
11 chocolate truffles and.......
12 christmas puddings
Obviously they are not all just for me although if you dare touch 1,3 or 5 you may find a fatty chasing you out the kitchen. Right better go and get on the wii fit before work ................xx
I hate food shopping the only thing is i love to eat it! I cant stand the constant jamming of trolleys, the fight the last whoopie pie ( sorry that should have read apple) and the smells. There are a few things a dieter cannot stand and thats cookery programmes, M&S adverts and the smell of asda, all those lovely carb, fat and sugary laden treats that are being baked in store. When i used to shop in store i was always very conscious of what went in my trolley, i didnt want the checkout operator to see all the cakes and pies and then see who was putting them on the conveyor, so to a certain extent i was a 'healthy shopper' with only the odd strudel slipped in. But then disaster struck......
Shopping one day with my then 2 year old son the notorious Sam i was browsing the knickers( thats another obsession we will get to another time) when he decided he was not going to stay in the trolley so he started to clamber down the sides, terrified of another broken leg when he had only just come out of plaster I tried to haul him back up, it was at this point he pulled out the ace. He grabbed my top and hung off it with all his might till my boobs popped out. Mortified and frozen with shock i just stood there for a moment with my huge nipples hanging out as several shoppers turned and stared, now my nipples are huge and then tend to resemble chocolate digestives so maybe that was why several people carried on looking barely able to tear their eyes away as they wondered whether they was on special offer. Suddenly the heat of embarresment to my face shook me into action and i quickly shoved the offending articles back in the top grabbed my son and walked out, abandoning the trolley I vowed never to step foot in there again with children.
So I started online shopping, now at first I was super good realising I could more or less avoid temptation by simply not looking up cakes, but i soon realised another advantage of shopping online and it didnt just involve keeping my nellies in my top! The staff who pick the shopping arent the ones that deliver it which meant for all they knew the pastries, chips, crisps and chocolate was for a skinny person, which brings me to my latest confession tonight I am having my christmas food shop delivered and even though im trying to diet this is what my trolley resembles: ( I find singing it out loud to the tune of the 12 days of christmas cuts the calories down)
1 bottle of Advocaat
2 crates of wkd
3 types of lager
4 swiss rolls
5 doughnut rings
6 sausage rolls
7 mini muffins
8 stuffing balls
9 mince pies
10 pizza fingers
11 chocolate truffles and.......
12 christmas puddings
Obviously they are not all just for me although if you dare touch 1,3 or 5 you may find a fatty chasing you out the kitchen. Right better go and get on the wii fit before work ................xx
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Some ice, some heels and a pinkie finger
18/12/11
Its happened! the most horrifcally embarressing thing to a fatty as happened! As i mentioned in a previous post the only thing funnier than a person falling over is a fat person falling over.... yesterday that was me :(
So yesterday was our works kids christmas party and as all large ladies will know, for some reason we feel the need to make an extra effort with what we wear, we are always very conscious of how we are percieved and what people will think, so what should have been a pretty simple outing with kids in party clothes and parents in jeans and a jumper turned into a new wardrobe nightmare. Thankfully i settled with a pair of black trousers and a sparkly gold top that showed my cleavage nicely ( and hopefully take the attention away from my ever expanding arse) and mistake number one I teamed it with a nice pair of black heeled boots.
The party was going great, my 3 kids were having a whale of a time along with two of my stepchildren but my two youngest was also in a play last night so i had to leave the party early take them to their concert then shoot back and pick up the 3 boys and the bf. Except my youngest didnt want to leave and had lost his shoes, his jumper and his coat (dont ask) so by the time I had gathered the kids and got them to resemble the children i had bought in we raced round to the carpark. There i was doing a fast walk (you know the type that makes you look like you've had a accident) giving the kids a comentary on where i needed them to be, and at what time while also repeatedly telling Sam not to run as it was slippy when my heel slipped on some ice, and in that famous slow motion yet fast failing of arms and kicking of feet i went down like a sack of shit. But this sack of shit didnt land on her arse no instead all 3 chins, two huge bingo wings, thunder thighs and wobbly jelly belly landed on my little finger! My bloody pinkie finger! probably the only finger which doesnt look fat! I was wounded! Picking myself up and desperatly checking no one had seen i barely noticed the pain in my finger until the kids were deposited safely at their play (Sam as a shepherd with a tiger face- again dont ask) and had got back to the club. Thats when i noticed it was swollen and bleeding and possibly broken!
So im in agony but im also saying a little prayer of thanks to the man upstairs that no-one saw me. Cause lets face it there is also nothing worse than people seeing- or hearing! Which reminds me of a time many moons ago when i was pregnant with my eldest son, I had nipped in mothercare for a nursing bra which was upstairs, and because i am also of ample chest size the hammocks i required were on the bottom racking. So i crouched down looking for the elusive 42ff bra (dont worry that was just my pregnancy boobs i aint that big now!) when i suddenly lost my balance. Like a perfectly formed weeble i rolled around intill i let gravity win and simply fell over. I jumped up and said to my now ex husband ' do you think anyone saw?' too which he replied 'no but they bloody heard'......and part of me still worries that the security tape will show up on some cctv show.
Then recently rushing home from work to get a thousand things done i grabbed a handful of washing and started to decend the stairs unfortunatly i stood on a stray trouser leg and ended up somersaulting down the stairs the bumps sounding like the start of eastenders till i ended up at the bottom on my knee and a sock on my nose! So i think we have established a few things - im clumsy, possibly top heavy but i also have the most musical lumps of fat ever and so far i live to fight another dieting day, even if i do have my fingers strapped up.But what i also didnt mention is my lovely bf as also just bought me, 4 books, a painting by numbers and a 1000 piece jigsaw all to keep my fingers busy and my mouth closed- oops at least i can still eat xx
Its happened! the most horrifcally embarressing thing to a fatty as happened! As i mentioned in a previous post the only thing funnier than a person falling over is a fat person falling over.... yesterday that was me :(
So yesterday was our works kids christmas party and as all large ladies will know, for some reason we feel the need to make an extra effort with what we wear, we are always very conscious of how we are percieved and what people will think, so what should have been a pretty simple outing with kids in party clothes and parents in jeans and a jumper turned into a new wardrobe nightmare. Thankfully i settled with a pair of black trousers and a sparkly gold top that showed my cleavage nicely ( and hopefully take the attention away from my ever expanding arse) and mistake number one I teamed it with a nice pair of black heeled boots.
The party was going great, my 3 kids were having a whale of a time along with two of my stepchildren but my two youngest was also in a play last night so i had to leave the party early take them to their concert then shoot back and pick up the 3 boys and the bf. Except my youngest didnt want to leave and had lost his shoes, his jumper and his coat (dont ask) so by the time I had gathered the kids and got them to resemble the children i had bought in we raced round to the carpark. There i was doing a fast walk (you know the type that makes you look like you've had a accident) giving the kids a comentary on where i needed them to be, and at what time while also repeatedly telling Sam not to run as it was slippy when my heel slipped on some ice, and in that famous slow motion yet fast failing of arms and kicking of feet i went down like a sack of shit. But this sack of shit didnt land on her arse no instead all 3 chins, two huge bingo wings, thunder thighs and wobbly jelly belly landed on my little finger! My bloody pinkie finger! probably the only finger which doesnt look fat! I was wounded! Picking myself up and desperatly checking no one had seen i barely noticed the pain in my finger until the kids were deposited safely at their play (Sam as a shepherd with a tiger face- again dont ask) and had got back to the club. Thats when i noticed it was swollen and bleeding and possibly broken!
So im in agony but im also saying a little prayer of thanks to the man upstairs that no-one saw me. Cause lets face it there is also nothing worse than people seeing- or hearing! Which reminds me of a time many moons ago when i was pregnant with my eldest son, I had nipped in mothercare for a nursing bra which was upstairs, and because i am also of ample chest size the hammocks i required were on the bottom racking. So i crouched down looking for the elusive 42ff bra (dont worry that was just my pregnancy boobs i aint that big now!) when i suddenly lost my balance. Like a perfectly formed weeble i rolled around intill i let gravity win and simply fell over. I jumped up and said to my now ex husband ' do you think anyone saw?' too which he replied 'no but they bloody heard'......and part of me still worries that the security tape will show up on some cctv show.
Then recently rushing home from work to get a thousand things done i grabbed a handful of washing and started to decend the stairs unfortunatly i stood on a stray trouser leg and ended up somersaulting down the stairs the bumps sounding like the start of eastenders till i ended up at the bottom on my knee and a sock on my nose! So i think we have established a few things - im clumsy, possibly top heavy but i also have the most musical lumps of fat ever and so far i live to fight another dieting day, even if i do have my fingers strapped up.But what i also didnt mention is my lovely bf as also just bought me, 4 books, a painting by numbers and a 1000 piece jigsaw all to keep my fingers busy and my mouth closed- oops at least i can still eat xx
LIfe of an Overeater- im no cordon bleu!
18/12./11
So im fat we have established that, but just cause im fat dont mean i aint fussy and creative. My lovely bf as come to accept me for the person i am flaws, quirks and all and unfortunatly for him my cooking. I have never been the greatest cook in the world im sure my 3 beautiful blonde slim sisters will testify to that, as in school i bought home disaster after disaster. But i keep on trying cause thats the type of girl i am, i just wont give up. Now for a fat person i am extremly fussy about what goes in my mouth, im sure everyone thinks that fat people just shovel everything they can find into their mouths but we dont! well except for chocolate cause lets face it if it as a shiny wrapper its gonna taste good! Take one paticular evening when i decided to cook me and the bf a lovely healthy meal of chicken rice and peas. Problem number one i didnt have no peas, but im a genious i just added onion (red onion cause im posh) Problem number two i have a paranonia about food poisoning to the point where i ignore guidelines and cook till i think it is ready, the chicken is cut into the tiniest pieces possible to check for blood, pinkness or just general bits that look at me funny, and viola we have a meal, except while fannying about with the chicken i left the rice in too long and it turned to a gooey, starchy mess :(
But im the kind of person that likes to mae people happy and when a few weeks later my bf mentioned he fancied a shepherds pie i decided a shepherds pie he was going to get! mince fried? check! veggies in? check! Potatoes peeled? NO check i didnt have no potatoes! so i used waffles after all they are waffly versatile, added a few onion rings for flavour and some cheese for colour, i know i know its not nutrious and my bf was none too impressed either caliming it looked like a manhole cover and declaring from that day forward he was going cook. So thats where we are now, he cooks i eat :)
So i hope i have expelled another myth, us fatties are not always in the kitchen, we are not always in the shop buying food , no we can often be found at the table checking our food like scientists for that little but too much carbs, a slice of fat that hasnt been trimmed and maing sure we even have the right type of vegetables. Yes i am a over eater but maybe im also a very clever person that enjoys having her dinner served and cooked for her by her gorgeous boyfriend ;) xx
So im fat we have established that, but just cause im fat dont mean i aint fussy and creative. My lovely bf as come to accept me for the person i am flaws, quirks and all and unfortunatly for him my cooking. I have never been the greatest cook in the world im sure my 3 beautiful blonde slim sisters will testify to that, as in school i bought home disaster after disaster. But i keep on trying cause thats the type of girl i am, i just wont give up. Now for a fat person i am extremly fussy about what goes in my mouth, im sure everyone thinks that fat people just shovel everything they can find into their mouths but we dont! well except for chocolate cause lets face it if it as a shiny wrapper its gonna taste good! Take one paticular evening when i decided to cook me and the bf a lovely healthy meal of chicken rice and peas. Problem number one i didnt have no peas, but im a genious i just added onion (red onion cause im posh) Problem number two i have a paranonia about food poisoning to the point where i ignore guidelines and cook till i think it is ready, the chicken is cut into the tiniest pieces possible to check for blood, pinkness or just general bits that look at me funny, and viola we have a meal, except while fannying about with the chicken i left the rice in too long and it turned to a gooey, starchy mess :(
But im the kind of person that likes to mae people happy and when a few weeks later my bf mentioned he fancied a shepherds pie i decided a shepherds pie he was going to get! mince fried? check! veggies in? check! Potatoes peeled? NO check i didnt have no potatoes! so i used waffles after all they are waffly versatile, added a few onion rings for flavour and some cheese for colour, i know i know its not nutrious and my bf was none too impressed either caliming it looked like a manhole cover and declaring from that day forward he was going cook. So thats where we are now, he cooks i eat :)
So i hope i have expelled another myth, us fatties are not always in the kitchen, we are not always in the shop buying food , no we can often be found at the table checking our food like scientists for that little but too much carbs, a slice of fat that hasnt been trimmed and maing sure we even have the right type of vegetables. Yes i am a over eater but maybe im also a very clever person that enjoys having her dinner served and cooked for her by her gorgeous boyfriend ;) xx
Friday, 16 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Its because your fat
17/12/11
Right yesterday I had a good day (well kind of) until i ate crumble last night, it was apple so thats sort of healthy right? So I'm lay in bed and feeling guilty yet again, so i decide the kids are at their dads tomorrow afternoon and i am going to kick some ass on the wii, sweat that oh so horrible crumble out of me and dye my hair, do the ironing, stick some extremly long nails on me, anything just anything to stop my pesky hands from putting things in my mouth! I have a week till christmas and a reply to my list to santa saying ' you must be joking im santa not a bloody miracle worker!So i drift off to sleep dreaming of me slim legged, big boobed with no extra chins and a small tidy bum.....
2am my lovely son is crying his eyes out with earache bless him, calpol and cuddles later we are down on the sofa trying desperatly to take his mind off the pain (hence why im writing this at 5.38 am) when i got to thinking about doctors. Now i wouldnt say i am a sicky person but like everyone i have times when i need the doctors but everytime i go no sooner have a i sat my fat ass in the chair when they are blaming my illness on my weight. Broken leg? Its cause your fat. Chest pains? Your fat, Conjuntivitus? Your fat, you get the picture, now i understand being big is unhealthy but so is laziness and i certainly aint that. They spend the first part of the appointment weighing me, i mean do they really have to do that? The massive flashing obese sign that flags up with my notes should give them a clue surely! While im stood there looking suitably remorseful for the chocolate spread on toast that was my breakfast im thinking, if you let me strip to my earrings (a girl cant been seen without sparkle you know) have a poo before hand and stand on one leg im pretty sure I can weigh half a stone lighter. But alas the half a stone is still there from my last appointment and im really regreting the bridget jones pants i put on this morning as im sure they are 1lb heavier than any others i wear. Then follows the usual condescending lecture and i finally escape with my antibiotics (for tonsilitus not fatitus) and a leaflet on fruit!
So come on doctors give us a break especially if you yourself are overweight, stink of fags and have a bottle of scotch in your drawer!
So its now 5.56 am see i cant even stop talking let alone eating and i know that come lunchtime when the kids depart i aint gonna feel up to a session on the wii fit and all those dreams from last night which seems so long ago now, instead i will sleep so hey i guess every cloud as a silver lining and all that as unless i snore a chomp bar up my nose im pretty sure sleeping doesnt involve eating. Cheers Sam mummy loves you loads xx
Right yesterday I had a good day (well kind of) until i ate crumble last night, it was apple so thats sort of healthy right? So I'm lay in bed and feeling guilty yet again, so i decide the kids are at their dads tomorrow afternoon and i am going to kick some ass on the wii, sweat that oh so horrible crumble out of me and dye my hair, do the ironing, stick some extremly long nails on me, anything just anything to stop my pesky hands from putting things in my mouth! I have a week till christmas and a reply to my list to santa saying ' you must be joking im santa not a bloody miracle worker!So i drift off to sleep dreaming of me slim legged, big boobed with no extra chins and a small tidy bum.....
2am my lovely son is crying his eyes out with earache bless him, calpol and cuddles later we are down on the sofa trying desperatly to take his mind off the pain (hence why im writing this at 5.38 am) when i got to thinking about doctors. Now i wouldnt say i am a sicky person but like everyone i have times when i need the doctors but everytime i go no sooner have a i sat my fat ass in the chair when they are blaming my illness on my weight. Broken leg? Its cause your fat. Chest pains? Your fat, Conjuntivitus? Your fat, you get the picture, now i understand being big is unhealthy but so is laziness and i certainly aint that. They spend the first part of the appointment weighing me, i mean do they really have to do that? The massive flashing obese sign that flags up with my notes should give them a clue surely! While im stood there looking suitably remorseful for the chocolate spread on toast that was my breakfast im thinking, if you let me strip to my earrings (a girl cant been seen without sparkle you know) have a poo before hand and stand on one leg im pretty sure I can weigh half a stone lighter. But alas the half a stone is still there from my last appointment and im really regreting the bridget jones pants i put on this morning as im sure they are 1lb heavier than any others i wear. Then follows the usual condescending lecture and i finally escape with my antibiotics (for tonsilitus not fatitus) and a leaflet on fruit!
So come on doctors give us a break especially if you yourself are overweight, stink of fags and have a bottle of scotch in your drawer!
So its now 5.56 am see i cant even stop talking let alone eating and i know that come lunchtime when the kids depart i aint gonna feel up to a session on the wii fit and all those dreams from last night which seems so long ago now, instead i will sleep so hey i guess every cloud as a silver lining and all that as unless i snore a chomp bar up my nose im pretty sure sleeping doesnt involve eating. Cheers Sam mummy loves you loads xx
Thursday, 15 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- 4 boobs and a belly
So were at that time of year again- christmas! plenty of parties, plenty of booze and of course plenty of food ( and i dont mean the carrot stick variety) We all want to look our best at christmas, there is always someone with a camera to remind you what you looked like after all! I am no different, yes i may have abused my body in the worse possible way by gorging it to the brim then making it feel like its never going to feel full again during my starving (sorry dieting days) but that doesnt mean i dont like nice nails, makeup and super shiny hair.
So i come in from work and there is a charity bag, seizing this perfect opportunity to get rid of my too big clothes, ok ok my too small clothes! I decide i am also going to sort through to find something nice to wear for christmas day, too get that elusive lovely profile pic. Now my wardrobe is a minefield all in itself, i must confess i have loads of clothes and i mean clothes, unfortunatly the size of these vary between a 14 and a 24 ( i hang my head in shame) there is even a brand new spanking pair of jeans in a size 12 that was bought to egg myself on and so very nearly fitted till everything went wrong :( so the 12s,14, 16s went in one pile taunting me with a 'yeah right fatty' look on their so so lovely fabrics and hooray for me so did the 22s,24s and some 20s not quite the heffalump i was before then :) which left me with a very small pile...
So i had about 3 options, i was not impressed with any of them, us girls are our harshest critics after all, so trying to jazz them up a bit i routed through my knicker drawer for a nice sparkly belt, and i found one! Silver, sparkly and ELASTICATED- julie you are a genious! My elation did not last long as the said belt then emphaisized the fact that i have not one belly but two! And worse it made my belly look sad, like the sides of its mouth was downturned (trust me my belly as very little reason to feel sad) hanging over the belt and the bottom belly (my least favourite belly to be fair) hung on my thighs like little bags! The belt came off! Back to the knicker drawer once more and there nestled at the back was a pair of 'pull in pants' OMG i nearly did a little wee with excitement! Problem solved a pair of pull in pants and my belt equals no more two bellies!
WRONG! pull in pants to not pull you in, they pull you up!! I struggled for ages to get the damn things on and when i did i was left with a flatter belly- great but 4 boobs- not so great! My whole of my top belly was shoved up so high it reached under my bra making me look like I had two racks! Now dont get me wrong i love my big boobs but i dont want bloody 4!!! So the pants went off the clothes got put back in the wardobe and so far my profile pic is going to be me in a paper hat and a bra! So my search for a flattering outfit goes on, oh and also a search for a cheap round of lipo xx
P.s just to prove the perfect profile pic does exist this was me (above) at 17stone 3 you would never guess would you xx
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- Confessions!
15/12/11
Right so I figure if I am finally going to beat this thing and get where I want to be in life I also have to plurge my head as well as my calorie intake. I promised to be honest and that doesnt mean right now in my life it also means my past blunders, mistakes and terrible things i have done and if im honest will probably continue to do cause hey i never said i was perfect!
So confession number 1 and this one as been playing on my mind since I was about 14ish! So im 14 and I have a younger sister im guessing she would about 7, its nearly christmas and we both have an advent calendar, i cant remember what mine was but my sisters was a 'celebrations' one. One day alone in the house my eyes, belly and possibly even my thighs spy this calendar and before i know it im carefully opening a door, it was a galaxy truffle one and i took that as a sign this was meant to be i love those ones! So i ATE it! I stole my little sisters advent calendar chocolate and i then proceeded to eat another 5! Once my chocolate high had passed I felt so guilty, being fat is one thing being a fat chocolate stealer is quite another! So i went round the shop and bought a box of celebrations to replace the missing ones. So my sister until this moment was never none the wiser or she might have thought it weird that she never had a yacky bounty one that year :/ See even fatties have a heart and a conscience, although while we are being honest i replaced the said 5 chocolates then ate the rest of the box myself .....purely to destroy the evidence you understand!
Confession number 2! Earlier this year I decided to be brave and go swimming something I havent done in a long time, but i figured i need the exercise and there all for saving the whales right? So i bought the most figure covering bather i could find and egged on by my mate decided to try and slip un noticed in the water. It went great I did 40 lengths and was so proud of myself, underwater nobody can see if your boobs flop under your armpits right? Then we got out.... My mate suggested we go sit in the jaquzzi for a little while so we walked over me still trying to suck in my stomach and look non descript when i missed a step and went splashing into the water shouting a massive ARRGGHHH as i did so (my mouth unfortuantly even gives my belly a run for its money on size). The whole pool just stopped and stared to see what was causing this local tsuanmi as the water sprayed over the sides. I swore my mate to secrecy and never mention the 'clumsy fat moment' again, but i have to say that when i went again the next time im sure everyone wore goggles......
So there you are im not perfect, I do stupid things and im clumsy but im still me the girl that wont give up xx
p.s last year i also ate my bf chocolate out of his stocking and no i didnt replace that one ...........xx
Right so I figure if I am finally going to beat this thing and get where I want to be in life I also have to plurge my head as well as my calorie intake. I promised to be honest and that doesnt mean right now in my life it also means my past blunders, mistakes and terrible things i have done and if im honest will probably continue to do cause hey i never said i was perfect!
So confession number 1 and this one as been playing on my mind since I was about 14ish! So im 14 and I have a younger sister im guessing she would about 7, its nearly christmas and we both have an advent calendar, i cant remember what mine was but my sisters was a 'celebrations' one. One day alone in the house my eyes, belly and possibly even my thighs spy this calendar and before i know it im carefully opening a door, it was a galaxy truffle one and i took that as a sign this was meant to be i love those ones! So i ATE it! I stole my little sisters advent calendar chocolate and i then proceeded to eat another 5! Once my chocolate high had passed I felt so guilty, being fat is one thing being a fat chocolate stealer is quite another! So i went round the shop and bought a box of celebrations to replace the missing ones. So my sister until this moment was never none the wiser or she might have thought it weird that she never had a yacky bounty one that year :/ See even fatties have a heart and a conscience, although while we are being honest i replaced the said 5 chocolates then ate the rest of the box myself .....purely to destroy the evidence you understand!
Confession number 2! Earlier this year I decided to be brave and go swimming something I havent done in a long time, but i figured i need the exercise and there all for saving the whales right? So i bought the most figure covering bather i could find and egged on by my mate decided to try and slip un noticed in the water. It went great I did 40 lengths and was so proud of myself, underwater nobody can see if your boobs flop under your armpits right? Then we got out.... My mate suggested we go sit in the jaquzzi for a little while so we walked over me still trying to suck in my stomach and look non descript when i missed a step and went splashing into the water shouting a massive ARRGGHHH as i did so (my mouth unfortuantly even gives my belly a run for its money on size). The whole pool just stopped and stared to see what was causing this local tsuanmi as the water sprayed over the sides. I swore my mate to secrecy and never mention the 'clumsy fat moment' again, but i have to say that when i went again the next time im sure everyone wore goggles......
So there you are im not perfect, I do stupid things and im clumsy but im still me the girl that wont give up xx
p.s last year i also ate my bf chocolate out of his stocking and no i didnt replace that one ...........xx
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Life of an Overeater- The girl who cant say no
14/12/12
So yesterdays food intake- a pot of rumblers, 281 cals then a weightwatchers chicken wrap- 337 cals, two kingsmill flat bread and 4 weightwatchers sausages 420 cals and a pot of porrige 213 cals so a grand total of.....1251cals! well done fatty!!!
Right the real calorie intake yesterday! all of the above but a very kind workmate bought in some chocolate bars instead of christmas cards, now i could have said no, i know i could after all i had all the usual mantra's running through my head ' a minute on the lips a lifetime on the hips' . My belly screaming through my trousers ' think of me, think of the pressure i am under' but that purple shiny paper had a louder voice ' you know you want me!' So I ate it, and in my defense it was a purple one, everyones favourite quality street sweet in a bar, no one could refuse that right? and i broke it into pieces so the calories fell out ( that works right?) and if im honest i was on that chocolate like a tramp on a fiver! It was gorgeous i swear my mouth actually had a orgasm unfortunatly that itself only lasted 2 minutes not that i was counting. So the day rumbles on, and i know i should just cut my loses and work out that little bit more, but then a lovely work friend gets her said chocolate bar out of her pocket a few hours later, needless to say it was now a gooey melted mess! At this point i was grieving the loss of a perfectly good chocolate bar when she just shrugs and says ' i forgot to eat it' my jaw literally dropped! Now in 29 years i have forgotten my keys, my purse even my mobile phone but i have NEVER EVER forgot to eat! I guess my problem is im simply a girl that cant say no but today is a new day i have my weightwatchers wrap ready wish me luck guys xx
So yesterdays food intake- a pot of rumblers, 281 cals then a weightwatchers chicken wrap- 337 cals, two kingsmill flat bread and 4 weightwatchers sausages 420 cals and a pot of porrige 213 cals so a grand total of.....1251cals! well done fatty!!!
Right the real calorie intake yesterday! all of the above but a very kind workmate bought in some chocolate bars instead of christmas cards, now i could have said no, i know i could after all i had all the usual mantra's running through my head ' a minute on the lips a lifetime on the hips' . My belly screaming through my trousers ' think of me, think of the pressure i am under' but that purple shiny paper had a louder voice ' you know you want me!' So I ate it, and in my defense it was a purple one, everyones favourite quality street sweet in a bar, no one could refuse that right? and i broke it into pieces so the calories fell out ( that works right?) and if im honest i was on that chocolate like a tramp on a fiver! It was gorgeous i swear my mouth actually had a orgasm unfortunatly that itself only lasted 2 minutes not that i was counting. So the day rumbles on, and i know i should just cut my loses and work out that little bit more, but then a lovely work friend gets her said chocolate bar out of her pocket a few hours later, needless to say it was now a gooey melted mess! At this point i was grieving the loss of a perfectly good chocolate bar when she just shrugs and says ' i forgot to eat it' my jaw literally dropped! Now in 29 years i have forgotten my keys, my purse even my mobile phone but i have NEVER EVER forgot to eat! I guess my problem is im simply a girl that cant say no but today is a new day i have my weightwatchers wrap ready wish me luck guys xx
Life of an Overeater- The dangers of exercise
13/12/11
Ok so as i have already said i once lost huge amounts of weight, taking me to my slimmest of 12 stone. My trusty wii fit helped me in this, i was obsessed with it, I set myself a daily target of 300 calories and I even went on at 5am before I went to work! Anyway I got out the habit of doing it when I split with my husband (more on that later) , well the other night perhaps feeling guilty about doing this blog and not showing that I am not one of these fatties that lie on the sofa and get my poor partner to feed me pizza (although im sure if he offered i could be convinced) I dusted off the wii fit board and prepared to exercise.
Now picture the scene my lovely fairly new boyfriend who still hasnt seen all my faults is doing the ironing (yes he is a good one!) and i am lay on the floor preparing to do a jackknife. For those of you that dont know what this exercise is you lie on the floor and lift your legs up at the same time as your arms to do a sit up, so im lay there in my pjs with no bra on and lift my legs and arms only to squeeze out the most enormous trouser ripping fart, seriously the whole house shook. My bf stood there in shock/disgust/amusement and I almost died with embaressment, but i figure the damage as been done right? wrong! as I gallently plod on on my quest for one belly not 3 I fart with every single repetition, and there was 10!
So let me introduce you to the dangers of exercising while fat, my bf no longer thinks i am a lady and as aptly named me 'queen of quiffs' but i have found that I am obviously not fat......just full of shit.....literally!
Ok so as i have already said i once lost huge amounts of weight, taking me to my slimmest of 12 stone. My trusty wii fit helped me in this, i was obsessed with it, I set myself a daily target of 300 calories and I even went on at 5am before I went to work! Anyway I got out the habit of doing it when I split with my husband (more on that later) , well the other night perhaps feeling guilty about doing this blog and not showing that I am not one of these fatties that lie on the sofa and get my poor partner to feed me pizza (although im sure if he offered i could be convinced) I dusted off the wii fit board and prepared to exercise.
Now picture the scene my lovely fairly new boyfriend who still hasnt seen all my faults is doing the ironing (yes he is a good one!) and i am lay on the floor preparing to do a jackknife. For those of you that dont know what this exercise is you lie on the floor and lift your legs up at the same time as your arms to do a sit up, so im lay there in my pjs with no bra on and lift my legs and arms only to squeeze out the most enormous trouser ripping fart, seriously the whole house shook. My bf stood there in shock/disgust/amusement and I almost died with embaressment, but i figure the damage as been done right? wrong! as I gallently plod on on my quest for one belly not 3 I fart with every single repetition, and there was 10!
So let me introduce you to the dangers of exercising while fat, my bf no longer thinks i am a lady and as aptly named me 'queen of quiffs' but i have found that I am obviously not fat......just full of shit.....literally!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)