Its all about secrets!

14/1/12
So yesterday after everyones supportive comments i felt like i could manage to go without a treat, that will be for when i am desperate (trust me that day will come properly when i am hormonal). So anyway i got thinking about why my treats are so important to me, and shock horror its not just because i am a greedy cow. So here it is, NESTLE runined my life! The above picture is of a secret bar, a bar that i have had to find the picture of to prove to people they did exist! Trust me not one of my mummy friends from up the school had heard of them (Amy, Sharon and Tina you missed a treat i tell you!). So here is why nestle ruined my relationship with chocolate, I was mad on these chocolate bars that were gooey, chocolately and in a hexagonal wrapper (oh the poshness!) Whenever i was allowed a treat thats what i chose, then one day without any prior warning they discontinued them! I never had any chance to say goodbye, to stock up a stash or even gorge till i was sick on them. To say i was gutted was an understatement, then they did the same with 'mavericks' and 'fuses', it followed an awful pattern where i would really like something then they would dissapear. To prove a point asda recently brought out a cake called a whoopie pie, they were out of this world, and then they changed the recipe! They now do not taste the same and are a complete disapointment, how i wished i had ignored the diet and just had one more! So maybe thats my problem, maybe when i like something i worry that they are never going to do them again and i will have to eat as many as possible in a short amount of time, so as to get my full and avoid disapointment once more........... or maybe its just cause im greedy!
To be honest im sure any shrink would have a field day with me, i know i have an addictive personality, a guilt complex and a lack of confidence, but to be honest what person does? I mean im pretty sure no one is entirely happy with the way they look, my addiction is anything full of fat, sugar and calories, for others its gambling, alcohol or drugs, i really should be glad that im not addicted to all of them! Maybe i should stop looking at anything new, you cant miss what you aint tried right? Yesterday tho as i realised that maybe that is part of the reason im fat (feeling im missing out that is) I also realised that nothing tastes as good as feeling happy feels, if i was to suddenly pass away would my last thought be ' i wish i had had that chocolate?' of course it wouldnt it would be about my loved ones and they truely are my real drug. My body as much as i hate it as given me 3 wonderful children, one of which the doctors said would not live, but i didnt give up then and i wont give up now its time to repay my body for all its given me, by giving it something back........and that certainly doesnt include more stretch marks and completly runining it. So another cheat free week begins xxxx